When 455 married people were asked what their ideal solution to conflicts was, most answered that they wanted their partner to “relinquish power,” followed by wanting their partner to show investment, communicate more, show more affection, and, lastly, to apologize. It’s all about getting to the root of your partner’s real fears. “If your partner’s underlying concern is a perceived threat (meaning he thinks you’re being critical or controlling), he’s going to want you to relinquish power,” says Keith Sanford, PhD, associate professor at Baylor University and author of the study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology. In other words, by admitting your own faults and showing that you’re open to his point of view, you’re “relinquishing power” and addressing his concern that you’re being too critical. “But if he’s concerned that you’re being neglectful, or uncommitted, he’s going to want to see more investment.” And you’d want the same from him. Saying thank you, contributing to chores, and being more affectionate are all ways to address those trepidations. What’s wrong with an apology? You can apologize without addressing any of these larger concerns, explains Sanford. More from Prevention: A New Reason To Say Thank You
