The Nine Most Annoying People At Whole Foods Prevention
December 2, 2022 · 3 min · 460 words · Alicia Nobel
The Free Sample Guy Who Won’t Take No for an Answer You averted eye contact, pretended to be talking on your phone, and he still got you. You win again, sample man. You win again.
The Person in the 10-Items-or-Less Line Who Definitely Has at Least 15 Things You see her. She is an adult woman who probably knows how to count. What is she doing in the express line? At least you’ll rest easy knowing she’s got some seriously bad grocery karma headed her way.
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The Aisle Blocker Who Completely Ignores You Hello? Hi? Um, excuse me? You might as well give up and go around the other aisle because this dude is. Not. Moving.
The Produce Inspector Who Sniffs, Squeezes, and Examines Every Fruit and Veggie You get it—it’s important to be picky about the produce you put in your cart and your body. But this lady takes it to a whole new level. We hate to break it to you, veggie sniffer, but you’re probably not going to find a flawless tomato. Sorry for the bad news.
The Free Sample Hog Yep, she took the last three samples. One for her and two for her “friends.” Funny—you don’t see those friends anywhere.
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The Person Who Leaves Their Cart as a Placeholder in Line She jumps in line and then remembers she forgot oatmeal and goes to get it. She comes back, only to remember she needs to get bread. Oh, wait, she also forgot eggs—time for trip three. Meanwhile, you’re expected to push her cart along while she plays a game of grocery scavenger hunt. Not cool.
The Obnoxiously Loud Person on His Phone While you love you some good gossip, you don’t really want to hear about this dude’s legal problems. Apparently he never learned how to use his inside voice.
The Unsolicited Advice Giver While you appreciate the tips on how to select the perfect onion, you’re not sure this woman is such an expert. You also didn’t really need the critique on the items in your bag. You know your cheese is not low-fat, and you like it that way.
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The Sobbing Small Person Who Will Not Let Those Organic Aged Cheese Crackers Go Shopping to the soundtrack of “pleasemompleasemompleeeeeease” is beyond annoying. You’re thinking seriously about just buying them for the kid to make it stop.
And yet…you still find yourself coming back to the same store—your store—week after week. You can’t get 365 Everyday Value everywhere, people!
The article “The 9 Most Annoying People at Whole Foods” originally ran on WomensHealth.com.