1. Go Girl This is just another item in the rage-inducing stream of pointlessly gendered products, like pens “for her” and “man-size” tissues. For the record, Go Girl, women won’t drink your can of carbonated fake sugar just because it’s “contained in a beautiful pink can.” (Seriously, that’s one the of bullet points used to market it.)
  2. Monster We thought Monster’s 50 grams of sugar and urine-esque appearance were offensive enough—but then we dug a little deeper and found more awful stuff. The New York Times reported that in 2013, Monster stopped marketing its products as dietary supplements and started marketing them as beverages. That means the company is no longer required to report adverse reactions to its products to the FDA. Shady. As. Hell. MORE: 10 Gross Ingredients Hiding in Your Energy Bar
  3. 5-hour ENERGY These little shots promise that you’ll have “no crash later,” a dubious claim considering one study found that 24% of users experienced a “moderately severe” crash after drinking the products. (Company reps told the New York Times in 2013 that “no crash” meant there was no sugar crash—but 5-hour ENERGY contains no sugar, so…duh?) This one’s got some serious issues, though: In 2012, the FDA said it had received 90 reports of adverse reactions to 5-Hour ENERGY, and the shots may have been linked to 13 consumer deaths.
  4. CRUNK!!! Yeah, those three exclamation points really are part of the name. This drink isn’t much better or worse than others on the market (29 grams of sugar per can). We’re just pissed that the brand has hitched its wagon to BS “superfruits” like acai to seem healthier. And that it uses ingredients like “horny goat weed” that will make teenage boys giggle and want to buy it.   MORE: The 8 Cleanest Food Choices You Can Make (And the 8 Dirtiest)
  5. Ed Hardy Yup, this exists. And never has there been a more appropriate time to remind ourselves that two wrongs don’t make a right. (Three wrongs, actually, if you count this commercial.)