Because we know there’s no stopping the madness, we decided that we could at least make fun of it. Here, based on some grocery store perusing and online shopping, we’ve rounded up the most ridiculous things to become “pumpkin spiced” this season. Read it and gag. Country Crock Pumpkin Spice Crock of…well, never mind. Let’s just say we’ll stick to butter. The second ingredient in this processed vegetable oil blend is actually high fructose corn syrup. And it should probably go without saying that there’s no real pumpkin in here. Pumpkin Spice Peeps Yes, Peeps are sort of endearing and do remind you of that childhood sugar rush you experienced every Easter, but Pumpkin Spice Peeps? That might be taking it too far. Although, with flavors like Party Cake and Bubble Gum, there’s clearly a market for chicks that taste like the precursor to diabetes. MORE: Starbucks Announces Big Change for the Pumpkin Spice Latte this Fall Brach’s Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn We’re not sure if this makes candy corn worse or just keeps it in the same disgusting level of Snackdom it’s always been in…and that we never care to enter.Keebler Fudge Stripes Pumpkin Spice Want some high fructose corn syrup, partially hydrogenated oils (i.e. trans fats), and artificial flavors with that pumpkin cookie? Keebler elf, we’re disappointed in you. Go back to your tree workshop and fix this. Ice Chips Pumpkin Spice Mints Nothing like smooching someone who’s just sucked on a mentholated pumpkin pie. Seriously, these are just weird.Twistix Dental Chews for Pets with Pumpkin Spice Flavor Come on, people. Your dog doesn’t care about your PSL obsession. He’ll be perfectly content with his turkey chews. Promise. Bailey’s Pumpkin Spice Coffee Creamer Sorry, no real pumpkin here, just water, sugar, cream, artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives. And at 5 g of sugar per tablespoon (and you know you’ll use more than a tablespoon), don’t consider it a nutritional improvement upon the original. Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats Pumpkin Spice Cereal OK, confession: I grew up on Mini Wheats and these actually sound delicious. But at 12 g of sugar per serving, it’s more like a dessert than a breakfast. MORE: This Crazy Delicious Pumpkin and Mushroom Tart Screams Fall Pumpkin Pie Vodka Pumpkin pie shouldn’t burn your throat. That’s all. MORE: Shrimp and Pumpkin Noodle Salad HIT Supplements Core Athlete Pumpkin Spice Whey Protein Blend Want a great way to add pumpkin flavor to your smoothie? Open up a damn can of pureed pumpkin. Don’t touch this stuff—it contains zero actual pumpkin and you can do a whole lot better in the protein quality department, too. Jif Whips Whipped Peanut Butter & Pumpkin Pie Spice Flavored Spread Why would anyone do this to peanut butter? Some things aren’t meant to mix. Also, surprise surprise, no real pumpkin here. Pumpkin Spice Latte M&Ms Well, these actually sound delicious, so we won’t judge you on this one.
