Those are the findings of research published in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, based on interviews with 1,656 married American adults ages 57 to 85. The data shows that while newly marrieds do tend to have sex more often and that bedroom time tapers as the years and obligations pile up, there is a slight but notable uptick in sex frequency after the golden anniversary. That may mean going from once a month to 2 to 3 times a month, but it is an increase nevertheless. And among those long-marrieds, sex only continues to improve! MORE: 15 Secrets Of Seriously Sexually Satisfied Long-Term Couples Chalk it up to “relationship capital,” suggests lead study author Samuel Stroope, PhD, an assistant professor of sociology at Louisiana State University. With a longer relationship, “you are able to learn about your partner and build on that over time,” he says. “You may have a higher level of trust when you feel that your spouse isn’t going anywhere. The expectation that the relationship will continue may give you more reason to invest in the relationship—including in sexual aspects of the relationship.” Psychologist Howard Markman, PhD, author of Fighting For Your Marriage, who runs relationships retreats for couples (loveyourrelationship.com), believes that 50 years is a psychological milestone. “People may be recommitting and paying more attention to their relationship at this time, which translates to more sex.” MORE: 7 Ways To Feel Like Having Sex Tonight After working with many golden anniversary couples over the years, Markman offers these insights to their long-term relationship success: Lock it in: Beyond a marriage license, share a vision for your future together and commit to a lifetime of love. That means not just up and leaving when the going get tough (though we’re not suggesting, obviously, staying in an abusive relationship). This kind of trust—knowing the other person isn’t going to abandon you—increases intimacy, including in the bedroom. Put down the boxing gloves. Defuse disagreements, even if you have to learn skills to do it. It’s not about who wins but about reaching understanding and restoring peace. Holding grudges and allowing resentments to fester can eat away at intimacy. Don’t let sex fall off your schedule. It may not sound romantic, but it does the job: Set a time once a week to share sexual or sensual encounters. Take turns initiating sex to keep the relationship balanced (or just a sensual massage, if that’s all that time allows). Keep things interesting by ocassionally throwing in a new sex position. Take turns planning date night. You may think date nights are for new parents who are too busy diapering and swaddling to acknowledge that the other person exists, but increasing the ratio of fun to ho-hum in your day to day lives leads to greater intimacy and more frequent sex. MORE: How To Have Sex Despite Any Injury
