That process—formally known as anger rumination—actually increases aggression, since it makes you experience your negative thoughts and feelings over and over again. What you should be doing instead: self-distancing. Previous studies have shown that self-distancing—a “fly on the wall” perspective that lets you observe the situation with a broader view—works well when dealing with difficult emotions, like anger or sadness, says lead author Dominik Mischkowski, a doctoral student in the social psychology program at Ohio State University. Yet researchers hadn’t been able to say for sure if this technique works in the heat of moment, or immediately after provocation—until now. Mischkowski and his team found that study participants who practiced self-distancing immediately after getting upset had fewer angry feelings and went on to display less aggressive behavior towards others. “It sounds a little bit trivial, because it’s a very easy technique,” says Mischkowski. “But we think because it’s easy, it’s a very effective way to change aggressive behavior in any type of situation.” How To Express Rage (Without Killing Anyone) Ready to give self-distancing a shot? Here are three rules to follow the next time an incident leaves you fuming:
- Go back to the situation. Whether it was a conflict at work or a spat with your significant other, look back on the incident with a third-person perspective, as opposed to a first. “This helps people re-construe their experiences in ways that facilitate their resolution,” says Mischkowski.
- Analyze it. Ask yourself the questions: “Why do I have these feelings?” and “What was the underlying cause?” to help neutralize the aggression you’re feeling about it.
- Ditch distractions. Sure, distracting yourself with silly YouTube videos might make you feel better—but only for a little while. “In daily life, people continue to interact with those who provoke them,” says Mischkowski. “And when that happens, having only distracted yourself from the situation and not reassessing it means you get angry all over again.” Instead, take a step back, determine what’s really going on, and then move on.
