Just consider these very relatable circumstances:
- When you feel like getting tipsy before buying groceriesPlenty of the bigger and/or newer Whole Foods have bars where you can sit back, relax, and enjoy a cool craft beer or wine flight. Which is awesome, since once you’ve got your buzz on, those $6/pound biodynamic apples seem quite reasonable.
- When you’re trying to find a hot yoga guy/girl who totally gets itLet’s face it: If you’re looking to meet a likeminded life partner who understands your need for no-HPP green juice and almond milk yogurt, you’re probably not gonna find them stocking up on 40-ounce tubs of tartar sauce at Costco. MORE: 12 “Health” Foods Proven to Be Ridiculously Unhealthy
- When you want to feel like you’re made of moneyGrass-fed steak for $45? $A bar of single-origin chocolate for $6? An $11 tub of raw sauerkraut that’s fermented under the full moon to harvest maximum lunar energy? Try tossing all that shit into your cart without having a heart attack. Now, you know exactly what it feels like to be rich.
- When want to show off your new Lululemon to people who will actually appreciate itWhen your lame office has a dress code and your next SoulCycle class isn’t for another two days but you want to break out those new crops tonight, you know the tatted up lady behind the juice bar will give you the nod of approval you crave.
- When you’re starving, but don’t feel like cooking or paying to go outLoad up on abundant samples of fancy cheese, kale chips, and artisan smoked meats. In the mood for dessert? Just flag down an employee in the frozen section, tell him that you’ve never tasted a nondairy ice cream bar made from cashew milk before, and ask if you can try one. The answer will always be yes. MORE: The Nine Most Annoying People at Whole Foods
- When you don’t want the cashier to stare at you like you’re from another planet just because you brought your own bagsIt’s 2015, and every supermarket in America offers its own reusable bags. And yet for some reason, the clerks at most stores still seem totally bewildered when you tell them you don’t need paper or plastic. The folks at Whole Foods? They actually thank you for it.
- When you can’t deal with the circus that is Wal-MartThere’s a time and a place in your life for the giant retailer, like when you need to stock up on toilet paper. But when it’s 9 P.M., those artful chalk drawings and farmers market-esque produce displays are so much more soothing than watching someone’s unsupervised toddler knock over a five-foot-tall display of Cheetos.
- When you just need an ego boostC’mon, you know anything they sell at Whole Foods will a) help you live to be 100 years old and b) save the planet from total climate destruction. Pat on the back for being such a smart, socially-conscious shopper? Aw yeah, you deserve it.
