I’ve had a lot of worries this past year. Husband-health concerns. Kid concerns. My father dying a year ago…and not long thereafter, my mother, whom I loved very much—and I still need her so. But the red, red wine—or in my case, the vodka—has been helping me forget, a little too much and too often. I’m a nice girl from a teetotaling family, but, as life’s pressures have mounted, I’ve begun feeling as though I’ve gone from enjoying one Cosmo (or two or three) at the end of the day to needing one. But is it really so bad to enjoy a glass of something in the evening? After all, the CDC recently declared moderate drinking one of four lifestyle behaviors that help people live longer. The other three: eating a healthy diet, exercising, and not smoking. The CDC (along with the USDA and the NIH) defines “moderate drinking” as no more than one drink per day for most women, up to two for most men. One drink is defined as 5 ounces of wine or 1.5 fluid ounces of distilled spirits, which to me sounds not so much like “drinking” as “licking the glass.” A classic vodka gimlet, for instance, calls for 1.5 to 2 ounces of vodka—but try making one and see if you don’t end up pouring twice that amount. MORE: This Is What Happens To Your Skin When You Drink In The Sun But wait a second: I’m a pretty big girl—5-foot-8, a size 10. Does this mean that compared with a man my size and weight, I’m a big drunk and he’s just a bon vivant? Very handily, I happen upon a checklist endorsed by Harvard called the CAGE test, designed to identify problem drinkers. The questions are:

  1. Have you ever felt you should Cut down on your drinking?2. Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?3. Have you ever felt Guilty or bad about your drinking?4. Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves, get rid of a hangover, or as an Eye-opener? “If you responded ‘yes’ to any one of these questions, you may have a drinking problem,” the questionnaire reads. “If you responded ‘yes’ to more than one question, it’s highly likely that a problem exists.” It is that fourth one that has me at the tipping point. A celebratory gin and tonic before noon with friends that may, coincidentally, counteract a hangover…does that qualify? I take some comfort in the fact that I am not alone. While the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has long stated that a woman’s drinking life peaks in her 20s and 30s, several studies suggest that drinking among women in their 40s and 50s has been underreported. While there has been a decrease in binge drinking in this middle-age group since 2000, there has been an increase in hidden forms of drinking, such as tippling alone at home (here’s how to tell if you’re a binge drinker without realizing it). And yes, guilty as charged. That’s when I decide I need a few more answers.

MORE: 6 Sneaky Signs You Drink Too Much