I know that the flip side of it all is that it creates super strength too. It introduces people to their inner warrior or their juicing inner wild child. It can bring families together who haven’t talked in years. It can build bridges and teach lessons. It inspires carpe diem and bucket lists. But, you know what? It still steals and rips apart lives more than brings them together. I know no one in my world that wasn’t robbed by it in some way. I see my precious dad withering away with his second bout with lung cancer and it breaks my heart to see this giant of a man turn frail and weighing less than me. In so many ways we are completely powerless over this ferocious force that poisons bodies with a fierceness and callousness that knows no mercy. I sense it will be a long drawn out process with my dad, so I’m conserving my energy and my words. I am inspired though, now, to write him a love letter and to not have it sit in my journal or wait for his memorial, but to hand it to him so I can see the light in his eyes when he reads it. This stranger, Stanzi, no longer feels like a stranger to me. She will be taken quickly. There is no time left it seems. I looked at her photos and the light in her eyes and the grace of her presence, and felt frozen with a deep sadness that turned into this rage. This stunningly beautiful woman and spirit has to absorb words like “incurable.” She has say goodbye for good to her husband and children. She’s one of so many, and I can’t get frozen with rage for every death I hear about, right? Especially with Threshold Choir as my volunteer life. Right. Of course. At the same time, I never, ever, want to skip over that space and moment when I hear such things. No, I will pause and hold space for these precious souls that are victims of something I will not makes friends with. I will not sugar-coat how I feel about it and jump to the lessons. I will empower myself to live each and every moment as best I can. Not taking myself and my dearest for granted. I will still be pissed at cancer. It’s doesn’t deserve my respect, and I will honor and celebrate the lives it steals.
